More Big Screens, Please.

Andy Hays | | Featured ArticleFeatured Article
That's a big screen
That’s a big screen

A recent report highlighted the jump in sales for ultra big screen televisions.  Televisions 50 inches and up now account for 25% of all sales.  Screens 65 inches and greater have seen a 69% boost over the past year.

All of this news had me a bit concerned… Is my screen large enough?  No one wants word to get out that his screen is disappointingly small.  This was all very disconcerting, indeed.

It was true, seemingly everywhere I looked there were more screens and they were getting bigger and bigger.  In Reno, Nevada, the Grand Sierra Resort is currently working on a nine story screen on it’s outside wall.  Sports stadiums are now dominated by humungo sized televisions.  Go to a Cowboys game and watch it on the big screen, because, well, it kind of obstructs the view of the field.  Apparently with the new X-Box I can play video games and watch television at the same time, which I’ll certainly do… because… I really like to party…??  What used to be mobile phones are now pocket computers ensuring that you could never be left without a screen, provided it stays charged.  So called tablets allow you to drop the pretense and just carry around a screen because it is both convenient and cool.

Women being used to show scale of an enormous
Women being used to show scale of an enormous

Could I be facing down the prospect of having a screen situation on my hands?  Was my lifestyle screen deficient?

Left with seemingly not enough screens to properly process all of this potential data I turned to trusted expert Marvin Mc Dermitt, Chairman for the Council for More Screens in More Places (CMSMP).  He highlighted some important and helpful information about screens that you might not commonly know.

Screens make your life easier, they are there to help you in every imaginable way.  Just look around you.  What wouldn’t be better with a screen?  Screens are what the future looks like.  Screens do the work for you.

A big screen TV in a river in Frankfurt, Germany for the World Cup
A big screen TV in a river in Frankfurt, Germany for the World Cup


Seriously, you need to integrate more screens into your life. 

In order to improve yourself, think about the places that you currently are not using screens to their full potential.

Screens in the shower.

Screen in the outdoors.

Screens under water.

Screens for your pets.  (hamsters love screens)

What could go wrong...
What could go wrong…

Cars are the perfect places for screens.  Do you have any idea how many people seriously injure themselves straining their necks to look behind them while backing out?  Off the top of my head, neither do I, but I’m sure it’s a lot.  Now with screens in the car you never have to look where you are going again.

Try out the new beeping screen.  With the new beeping screen no need to even watch the screen, this will thus provide you for more time with your other personal screens.

Screens are a simple alternative to paying attention.  

With a screen you can take real life and make it seem a lot more like a movie.  With a screen you too can be on television.

Obey the screen.
Obey the screen.

In today’s fast pace world we all need time to unwind.  Take a screen break and immerse yourself in a screen.

Rotate your screens to ensure no lapse in screen power.  It may be necessary to have multiple screens on hand in case of emergency.

You can never have too many screens.  

When people see that you have screens they will immediately know that you have your finger on the pulse.  

Enough Screens in here
Big screens and small screens.  Boom.

Helpful decorating tip #1:  Putting small screens in small places which will help to make the screens appear larger than they actually are.

Women love screens.  Really, really large screens.

Cultivating an online image of being screen savvy will help for others to appreciate your intelligence and style.       

Give screens to children to make them shut up and also help them learn but mostly just to get them to shut up and leave you alone.  

Some studies might suggest that putting large screen televisions in babies cribs may be good for them. 

Big screen TV on antique table
Big screen TV on antique table

Helpful decorating tip #2:  If you have an antique table put a screen on top of it to make it appear more up-to-date.

Wearing a type of screen on your face will help to ensure you are never caught unprepared… for anything.  

Screens are an excellent substitute for conversation.

Screens… You need bigger screens.

Watch your house.

Watch your dog.

Watch your kids.

Watch your nanny.

Watch your neighbor’s wife.

All with the help of screens.

Those delightful helpful screens.

Medicinal screens:  If terminally ill patients had more screens they may not live longer but they most certainly would be  happier.

This thing can cover up a lot of old wallpaper
This thing can cover up a lot of old wallpaper

Helpful decorating tip #3:  Old outdated wall paper or even cracked plaster can easily be concealed by a big screen TV.

The sooner you get more screens the sooner your dreams will come true.

Some people think having one screen is enough?  They are wrong.  Don’t get caught showing up with a knife to a gun fight.  Get yourself more screens.

Have a plan to update your screens.  Technology advances quickly.

Ask yourself, if you were to die today would you leave your family with enough screens for the future?

Whether you realize it or not, life is just one big game, screens can tell you the score.

The luxury Man Cave.  Sit and don't move
The luxury Man Cave. Sit and don’t move

Helpful decorating tip #4:  House guests will most likely desire their own screens.  Be sure to have plenty on hand in the event of unexpected company.

Screens are kind of like really good friends.  Really good friends that don’t ask you for favors in return.

Screens in the bathroom sound like a bad idea until you have one.

Screens on wrist watches make you feel like a secret agent.

Sunsets + screens = might actually be better than the real thing. Really almost anything is better watched through a screen than watching it in person.  Screens make life better.  What good are once in a lifetime moments if you can’t take a picture of them?

My biggest fears were confirmed.  My phone is too dumb.  My television is too small.  My tablet is too… I don’t even have a tablet.  It’s all settled, I may be broke but new screens aren’t a cost, they’re an investment for the future.  Best Buy here I come.

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