Ski Town Profile: “The Smug Guy”

The lift ride would begin as any.  Just by looking at him it would be impossible to tell.  Really there was no way in your power to avoid it.  Perhaps you tried to start a conversation or he got impatient and started it for you.  You had gotten on the chair with Smug Guy.

Smug Guy is having a better day than you, and he will be the first to tell you that fact.  Smug Guy is smug, not much can be done about this.  For the duration of the lift ride you will be stuck with him.  This isn’t to confuse anyone who is having a good time with being smug, on the contrary, but what truly makes Smug Guy so smug, is that not only is he better than you, it is somehow your fault for your inferiority, usually the result of some kind of insolent ignorance.

Unprompted he will offer up smug phrases such as “better than a day of work.”  Taking into consideration that I work nights, and typically have an entire shift’s work ahead of me, this sentiment can often rings pretty hollow.  It is a mistake to let on to Smug Guyt that you are indeed not having as great a time as he, as this will unavoidably lead to more smuggery.

Other Smug Guy phrases include, “you work hard, you play hard,” which dually indicates that not only is he having a better day than you, but he is pretty much dominating you in a professional sense as well.

Smug Guy isn’t smug just because he is having more fun, and enjoying more financial and professional success than you.  There is a whole litany of reasons why Smug Guy is so damn smug.

Smug Guy has better equipment than you do, it doesn’t matter if he really does or not, he is convinced that he does and you are going to hear about why his skis ski better, his boot-fitter is the best in Northern Wisconsin and his fabrics are so tech that not only are they more waterproof than fishing waders but they breathe more effectively than your own skin.

Smug Guy is smug because his equipment is probably older than you are.  You’d have to be some kind of idiot to pay for what a duct taped CB jacket can’t outdo.  Smug Guy can sometimes be so smug as to still contend that those “hourglass” skis are too easy.  Like they picked him up somewhere out of the South Pacific still clinging to the Japanese cause.  His boots have worked for 25 years, why would he change now.

Smug Guy is smug because his stuff cost a lot.  I once saw a woman in a Bogner one piece that had the word “luxury” embroidered on the back, as to clear up any sort of potential confusion between a really expensive ugly ski suit, and a discount one.  Conversely Smug Guy can be smug because he got such a great “bro” deal on his equipment.

Smug Guy is smug because he usually skis at a “better” mountain.  Or at least skied there last week, or last year, or at least once, or is planning on going there next year.  He will come equipped with the pertinent statistics to back this up.

Smug Guy is smug because he skis everyday.  It’s all just chill brah, I just thought I’d let you know…

Smug Guy is smug because he skied here yesterday when it was a whole lot better than it is today.  

Smug Guy is smug because he skied somewhere else yesterday that was a whole lot better than it was here yesterday.

Smug Guy is smug because he is from Massachusetts.  If you’ve ever met someone from the Bay State you know what I’m talking about here.

Smug Guy is smug because whatever he just skied was a lot cooler than whatever you skied.

Smug Guy is smug because whatever you just skied was reckless and stupid and pointless.  He’s not afraid to do it, he’s just a lot smarter than you.

Smug Guy is smug because he works in the race department, or at least watches gates and slips the course and wears one of those silly duster jackets, or has a kid who races, or has a friend who has a kid who races or wears one of those silly duster jackets.  

Smug Guy is smug because he is staying in a swanky hotel, which he will talk about, or at least a place with a hot tub.  

Smug Guy is smug because he is staying in a time share.

Smug Guy is smug because he is staying in a friend’s time share.  

Smug Guy is smug because he works from home.  I once got stuck in a gondola with a guy who insisted in doing play-by-play color commentary for his own mobile day trading.  “… should I sell now?  wait… wait… now.  Not bad for a day’s work.”  If I had wrestled his phone away from him and tossed it out the window I believe I would have been justified.

Smug Guy is smug because he usually skis in the backcountry, which was a lot better than this when he was there yesterday, and is probably better right now.  So the question becomes, what is he doing here?

Smug Guy is smug because he is going sky diving, or BASE jumping or hang gliding or parasailing or wing suiting or some other extremely extreme sport later on, depends on the wind bro…  

Smug Guy is smug because he is over it.  “Time to take out the bike…”

Smug Guy is smug because, well… he is Smug Guy, that’s just what he does.  Who really cares why?  Someone is probably married to this guy, at least you only have to ride the lift with him once.