Words by the Kerry Lofy. Video starring Kerry Lofy. Video shot & edited by Alex Sullivan
(editor’s note: beware of pulling babies, drinking heavily in hot tubs, riding car tops, dangerous axe work, snow blade slack lining, lake front flips, and ‘kiss a pro’ booths)
Pain McSlonkey 2013
The third annual Pain McSlonkey went down with high energy and class. It was 36 hours of pure fun and bad decisions. It started Friday night with the Gala. The Gala seemed like they were shooting a clip for the next Disney movie Aladdin II. The next day was one not to forget but may be forgetful for some. It started at the crack of 9 am on the KT-22 for the Chinese Downhill. It was a race to the bottom and it just so happened to be the best conditions Squaw has seen all season. The icy moguls and steep terrain made skiing the easy part, especially with ski blades on. There was good sportsmanship shown in the final minutes before the start. Everyone was spreading herpes with numerous bottles of Jack, Fireball, and Jim Beam being tossed around, most competitors still feeling loose from the night before.
Some no name who pooched the event and was seen blading the run 6 days in advance and more than likely cut some corners walked away with the win on the guys side, while Amie Engerbretson won the golden saucer on the ladies side.
The shenanigans then went over to the Enchanted Forest for the Extreme Small Mountain. Conditions were once again textbook for any event that involved ski blades. The waterfall area was closed due to avalanche danger, but that didn’t stop some. From an invited field of 30, there was mass starts, powder 8’s, and dry docking on huge three foot airs. Timmy Dunton took the win, stomping a triple cork 540 of the bottom mini booter. Honorable mention went to the two lovers that surgically connected themselves and dressed up as a camel. They won the costume contest and are now $0.69 richer! In the final hours of the jam-packed weekend, there was an 80’s theme party at the base of Squaw. Scott Gaffney and Jaclyn Paaso battled on the dance floor for best dressed of the night. Gaffney dressed as Flavor Flav, did some break danced his way for the win.
The event was Hosted by the Shane McConkey Foundation, the event has grown to be a highly successful fundraiser for local nonprofits. This year’s event benefited Make-A-Wish Foundation and the Tahoe Truckee Unified School District’s environmental education programs. Pros are invited to compete while amateur contestants are selected by submitting their most embarrassing moment in an online contest.