I know this is a tough topic for guys to talk about, even in this day and age. ‘Mental health’ still has that awkward connotation to it, and talk of suicide makes most of us snap shut like a pair of ski bindings set to a DIN 10 setting. What is important to remember is that you don’t need to ask your friend, “How is your mental health?”— guys just don’t work that way. Guys don’t talk about feelings and emotions the way that chicks do. Which can leave those who need to talk feel isolated the most.
Sometimes all your friends need is just a call to have a chat about anything really. Ask them out for a beer, a ski, or a walk. The best conversations happen when they are not forced. Sometimes, all people need to know is that there is someone who actually cares about them, who thinks of them, who likes to spend time with them. You don’t have to ask them how their mental health is. I mean, seriously, who does that? Just ask them how they are and what they’re up to; the rest just flows organically.
I’m going to get downright personal for a second. My uncle stepped in front of a train one night 20-odd years ago. He had planned it all out: he showed his wife what he was wearing, popped his ID in his pocket, and put on a layer of black clothes on top for camouflage before he snuck out in the middle of the night. He had made sure his testament was up-to-date and had left a letter. This was not a split-second decision; this was not a fluke. It was well planned and, sadly, also executed. You would think with all that preparation, we would have had some kind of inkling of his mental state, but the sad truth is we didn’t. We were absolutely blindsided, and it left us with endless questions, confusion, anger, accusations, and a family that was never the same again. We all thought he was a successful, happy man with a quick wit, a big house, and a good life. Apparently, he wasn’t, and it eats my mom up to this day that she did not call her brother that night. My mom has spent the last 20-odd years wondering, “What if?”
You just have no idea what goes on inside someone’s head, and sometimes you won’t be able to find out. But if you reach out to your fellow (ski or boarding) buddies with a bit more effort, you could be making the difference that stops these negative thoughts and demons in their tracks. They might not want to talk about it, but all they need is the feeling that someone is actually there for them.
The sad truth is that globally one man dies by suicide every minute of every day. Four in five suicides in America are committed by men. The high suicide rate has contributed to men’s life expectancy in America being the worst it has been in decades. The gap between the life expectancy of men versus women has widened to almost six years in the last decade.
So stop sitting on your device scrolling through social media and instead open that phone app and use what a mobile phone was made for: call a friend, invite him out for something, and look out for your mates. You don’t want to be the person who wonders “What if?” — believe me, I know from personal experience, it is a live filled with regret.
And if you are too introverted to call a friend: go and make a donation for Movember and help raise awareness.
